The Ups and Downs of Living Abroad Alone

First of all, I'd like to greet everyone a Happy New Year! haha I've been procrastinating too hard that I haven't gotten to finish this blog post but I am very happy to get it finally done! So for those who will be taking time to read it, I appreciate all of you. So now, let the camera roll!!

Let me share to you my experiences as an Expat living alone in Germany.

As I packed my life in 2 suitcases and a backpack, I also carried along with me my dreams and visions not just for myself but also for my family, a whole lot of optimism and the anticipation for a brighter future ahead of me. To be honest, it did not feel so much like really taking a big leap of faith though because this decision was done more out of reason and necessity and I knew I would be landing a legal healthcare job under the agreement between the government of Germany and the Philippines so I kinda had the mental security of not having to worry about being homeless, jobless or illegally recruited abroad. But on a side note, the fact that I was relocating to a foreign country where I know nobody was daunting.

If you are someone who got to read the blog posts I wrote a few years ago, first, I'd like to say thank you and second, you might have felt how I struggled in my first few years here in Germany... the cultural differences, the weather and above all, the language barriers. Fun fact you did not ask for: I learned and spoke English first than my native language and our medium of communication at school was English and Darnnnn!! all these just to have myself be flown to a non-English speaking healthcare job in Germany. lol! But nevertheless, I am grateful for having been given the opportunity to learn another foreign language which almost made me go nuts! Haha

So first, I'd like to talk about the downs of living abroad alone because who does not want a positive finale??

P.S. I am in no way an expert at these things. These are based on my personal experiences which may differ from yours. But let me tell you something comforting, you and I are the same in some ways.. We are both figuring life out together so let me share to you my experiences like I'm your bestie cuz you are not alone on this. :)

The Downs:

1. The recurring feeling of being the odd one out

   I wrote this down because this was what I mainly felt in the first few years of living here in Germany but I'm grateful to say that this feeling has significantly reduced through the years of constantly making effort to adapt. It did not happen overnight. We as "foreigners" in this country also have to put in the work.

   
   

   I'm the kind of person who kinda gets the feels first whether it be the kind of vibe people around me at the moment have or the kind of occasion/event I am currently in. I try blending in like a chameleon and choose the personality that I could show that would be the most suitable for such group of people or instances.

But since I came from a more conservative upbringing, I felt like my values and perceptions did not and still up to this day, do not align with the environment I am in. It felt isolating at first but I'm an introvert lol so I also enjoyed my peace and quiet at the same time.

Even if I speak the language so much better now than 4 years ago, there would be times when I have to exert more effort to be heard and seen. During the first few weeks of getting a doctor or Hausarzt in Germany, I felt like if you're not fluent enough in speaking the native language, they would dismiss you in a second but that's okay. I do not want to sound exaggerated here. I just want to say that maybe it occurs not just in Germany but all over the world.

I am working in healthcare so I would experience subtle racism at work like being seen as inferior, weak and incapable because of how I appear physically and mainly because of the communication barrier but I'm glad that I've put much effort at improving my Deutsch that I get to defend myself already. Like what I said, put in the work too 'cuz girlll, Germany ain't adjusting for you. Life update: Now, I feel more included, equipped and reinforced.

You see, beginnings are most often than not, very hard. Give yourself some grace and time. Better days are coming.

2. Communication Barriers

   Let's admit it, if you do not speak Deutsch in a workplace where Deutsch is the medium of communication, you're automatically dumb in the eyes of the natives or the people who speak or are fluent in the language. Sorry for generalizing too hard but it's really the bitter reality and that's okay.

   
   

   No matter how competent you were in your home country as an engineer, teacher, nurse or whatever, when you come to Germany, girllll, your sadly back to level O but that's okay. Growth comes from discomfort. Be proactive in improving your language skills 'cuz honestly, passive learning won't bring you to the moon. Tell this to yourself in the mirror while having a mini breakdown: "We bend but we do not effin' break! Periodtttt!"

   
   

   It took me more than 4 years to feel less hesitant in expressing my thoughts in Deutsch and I won't even say "more confident" but rather, just "less hesitant" because I feel like it's the perfect phrase to describe it.

   
   

   Now, just imagine waiting for a delayed train in a small train station in the outskirts of Germany and the announcements are read aloud in the native language so if you do not understand it, I wish you good luck. Just kidding, I've also experienced this and somehow, there'd be help and kindness along the way so it's important to always ask for divine intervention and pray. Hahaha!

3. Cultural Dissonance

   Now, what is this all about? I'm not quite sure if I myself can even describe this clearly but I'll be putting it out this way: It's like going thru thin strings of conflict while on a bereavement leave.. something that disrupts your intrapersonal space since the people, things, beliefs, systems and situations you were accustomed to back home are non-existent anymore or are totally different now than the ones considered as a norm in the society you are currently living in and you find yourself somehow, if not mourning and confused, then maybe just questioning all your life decisions. It's also like slowly saying goodbye to some of the valuable pieces that formed the old version of yourself and what's worse is that, you did not want this but you just have to for you not just to survive but also to thrive in this country. Sorry, this is the best I can do to describe it and I may be halfway correct or even be wrong but I am open to being corrected. In the latter case, I'll try again next time. haha

What did I do to deal with it? I drank beer more than water with the Germans and ate their phenomenal Bratwurst all the time. Just kidding! I am sober than ever. Somehow, I tried my best thru doing my research back to the times of war to really dig deeper into what could have led the Germans to act this way and which factors led to the kind of culture they have now. Please don't get me wrong. When a German is fond of you and has established trust in the relationship (not intimate though, I mean platonically), these relationships will also be one of the truest, most moving and most soul-enriching ones you'll ever have. They are also sweet but what I like most about them is that they demonstrate it not thru words but through actions gently whispering "You matter to me". Again, this is just based on my own experience.

But seriously, one important tip to deal with this, is that, you have to stay strongly in tune with yourself and your inner world that you do not let the outside world and how it was formed or developed or maybe is rapidly changing affect you or negatively influence you while maintaining respect towards the cultural beliefs of others. I hope I am making sense here. lol!

4. Bureaucracy.

   Bureaucracy here is crazy. Germany, if I may describe it, is obsessed with its structural systems. It's one of the first culture shocks I had when I arrived in Germany coming from a 3rd world country who mainly operates thru texts and emails and where almost everything is fast-paced. Germany, however, though a 1st world country operates more slowly and is strict on data privacy so you get most of your payslips, test results, receive from and send out love letters to the Auslanderbehörde thru mailing system so just imagine the piles of paperwork you have to go thru.

Want to get an appointment for your docs to be processed or to get checked up by a doctor? Notify and book first thru calling or sending an E-mail and guess what, the next available date would be a month or 6-12 months from now. Lol!

But just a quick info: I've read that Germany has introduced a new legislation now related to it which they call the Bureaucracy Reduction Acts (but mainly the 4th one) which target is to create a boosted economic growth thru cutting red tapes. Well, may the odds be ever in our favor then. Haha!

5, Homesickness

Missing home, friends, family, comfort food and comfort zones while battling your inner demons yet staying sane up to this day is one major level of a breakthrough. You're craving for cuisines which are only found in your home country so you try cooking them yourself and they ended edible enough to be eaten is quite an achievement worth celebrating for. Success for me does not always have to mean achieving great things but rather, a series of small wins you get to celebrate with gratitude in your heart.

This may sound cliche but if you're living abroad, the guilt of missing important events in the lives of your loved ones may get stronger during bad days. As for me, it's quite more because I get to take care of patients here but I fail to be there for my mom when she feels sick and that is really sad but let's not dwell too much on sadness.

It's quite overwhelming to feel like you are torn in 2 extremely different worlds and you do not feel like you belong to any of it anyway. But since we are warriors since birth, let's get it on and fake it til we make it! Hahaha

The rapidly changing weather may just be a mini downside of living here though I do not have so much problem with it except that winter can really aggravate and induce seasonal depression and get you extremely bipolar real quick if you know what I mean lol! It's like one moment, you try to romanticize the chilly weather with some rays of sunshine and when you blink your eyes and open them, everything is dark already. Haha!

Now, let's go to the exciting part:

The Ups:

1. Personal Growth

   If your life experiences here in Germany did not cut through you enough like a newly sharpened blade, then I do not know what else could.

   
   

   This may sound morbid and gruesome but in some way, it really was, lol! I mean figuratively. I do not want to scare you but I just want to be real at what it really was like for me at first. I was not stabbed here physically just so you know but what I went thru as an Expat here was like going to a battle field bringing along just my adorableness with me. lol! I was not that naive since I also already lived far away from my parents in the Philippines before but this level of roasting was definitely a kill! lol!

   
   

   I do not want to sound vulnerable here but I feel like I want this blog to be more transparent and relatable because I know I am not the only one who experienced/ experience this.

   
   

   I went thru a series of mental breakdowns, I cried both in public and while showering alone at home, I whined, I screamed at the top of my lungs, I broke dispensable glasses, I saw the ugliest version of myself, I rotted in bed for days, I got demotivated, depressed on a certain level, I grieved a lot, I questioned God and my decisions and I had the worst panic attacks at night and tried everything out to divert my attention except from doing drugs. Mannnn, I'm actually tearing up while writing this because who is this girl now?!!! She's not a caterpillar anymore, she's slowly becoming a cute butterfly!! haha! (that's positive self-talk by the way)

I sat with my emotions no matter how uncomfortable they were. I wrote a lot and I had a diary and what's funny was that, I paused a lot while I'm on the peak of my emotions because I wrote my diary in German and I needed to find the right words to describe my emotions at that time. Haha! I can be hilarious sometimes but hey! It's how you improve your language skills girl!! Get that right! lol! At times, when I think I was going crazy, I ran to my trusted friends but also maintained respect towards their time since they might also be going thru worse.

Life update you did not ask for: I'm still struggling and I'm still figuring a lot of things out but I am now at a much better place and handling my emotions now has quite been a lot easier than before and I guess, my sense of humor saved me cuz my coping mechanism is usually centered on making my traumatic experiences sound light and funny because who needs misery in this time of crisis??? Nobody. The difficulties I've gone thru here gave me a lot of wisdom and I'll be forever grateful for it.

Let me end this first point with a quote from Susan David: "Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life."

2. Travel is more doable and made more accessible.

   If you're living anywhere in Europe and traveling is your thing, then you are more than blessed. Why? Imagine getting to see and explore Switzerland by just riding a train without breaking the bank. Imagine being able to fly to Greece and romanticize your life a little while eating Souvlaki and sipping Greek coffee without the help of an expensive travel agency.

   
   

   Every beautiful corner in Europe is made more accessible for you that you can DIY your travels all you want. Budgeted? Cheap hostels in Europe are everywhere and so far, I never had a bad experience as long as you are also careful, observant and keen. Ever heard about Couchsurfing? (not paid for mentioning this) but I used it here too and there are many people who are really nice and friendly out there. I am also an introvert and I get drained easily if there's too much social interaction but so far, my hosts have been respectful and generous so I could not complain.

3. Freedom and being able to rebuild your finances.

   You do you. I love the freedom I get to have here in Germany. I am living alone so that also means I can look ugly all day without being judged and I can also say my opinions when needed. I wake up whenever I want to during days off and go to whichever event that I want to take part in. I can eat whatever I want. I can go to a library even at midnight if I feel the urge to do it. I can wear whatever I want even if I look like a homeless lost girl without caring too much about what other people would say. I am not saying that I abuse my freedom. I try to exercise my freedom responsibly too.

As to finances, if you are keen at saving, you can definitely save not really a substantial amount of money but an adequate or decent amount even if you have to support your family at home (I'm a breadwinner by the way and I am not trying to sound boastful here but I just want to say that it is still definitely possible to save), eat outdoors from time to time, enroll in dance classes or language courses and travel within Europe or maybe just in Germany. I am in no way a financial expert and I may not be suitable to give financial advice but one thing I've learned through time here in Germany is to: Pay yourself first before spending money on anything. It means depositing money to your bank account for your savings/investments and live with the remaining amount. Yes we sometimes tend to overspend when we are stressed and I'm also guilty with that but that's okay as long as you catch up on your savings the following month. Pay all due debts as well too. Treat your savings as a bill. "Save for the rainy days", they said.

Rebuilding finances here in Germany is achievable if you have a stable job especially in the field of I.T., Engineering, Business and Healthcare but I do not mean in a way that could enable people to live a lavish lifestyle and plan to build a mansion within a year of working abroad but I believe that wherever you are working in the world, if you live below your means or within your means, being able to save is possible.

I guess the only freedom that I still haven't achieved up to this day is financial freedom. Haha!! But we will all get there! Manifest this with me: "Money overflows!!" haha Let's go!!

4. You slowly start developing self-confidence

   Arrogance and self-confidence are 2 different things. It does not mean that if you start speaking up your mind, you are already being arrogant. No. In this country, it is very important to be assertive if the situation calls for it. Self-confidence is still having fear yet accepting your shortcomings and flaws, being open to constructive criticisms while believing in yourself that you can get thru hurdles in life because girllll!! We are our own cheerleaders here especially if you are also living alone. Arrogance, on the contrary, is too much belief in yourself that you refuse to listen to others and fixate only on the things you believe in.

When you start solving problems on your own through reflecting a lot and sitting with your own emotions, analyzing and doing a lot of introspection or you brave your fear of traveling alone in a foreign country with a different language, that's where self-confidence starts seeping in. All I can say is, keep going girl!! Haha

5. You get to view the world in a different lens now.

   Learning a new language is like riding a roller coaster with your eyes blindfolded. You do not know when the ride starts and ends and you just let go and scream at the top of your lungs all throughout the ride to release the tension. So what I'm trying to say is, as you go along, no matter how hard it got to get you to where you are now, you get to appreciate now how you are able to express yourself in 2 or more languages and I think that is beautiful.

   
   

   Integrating takes a lot of time, effort and energy but once you get to adjust to a multicultural country like Germany, you get to see the beauty of unfamiliarity, diversity and understand new beliefs and systems. These changes may be uncomfortable at first but improve brain health. I've had a few conversations with my colleagues, language partners and friends here in Germany and I got to know new perspectives like the different ways of how Europeans or other nationalities raise their kids, how important it is to incorporate outdoor play for children and not just be squeezed on studying and how important it is to take some time off from work.

When I arrived in Germany, I got the chance to get know one of the bubbliest persons ever and she's also a Gemini like me so we kinda vibed instantly and she invited me to play Handball so I happened to be the only Asian in the team (I just tried it out anyway. I was not a regular) and I really enjoyed the game and the free Radler thereafter but bruh! I was so shocked to see them bathing naked after the game. Hahaha! I am not saying this in the context of literally "viewing the world in a different lens" but I just want to share my funnily shocking experience which made me think how conservative and self-limiting my home country is. Here, it is scheissegal what you wear and how you express yourself as long as you do not commit a crime.

Now I see Italy as more than just the pasta and Vespas, Greece as more than just the olives and mythology and Germany more than just the beer, sausages and castles. I met a lot of people, mainly strangers from different walks of life and their life stories are very soul-enriching. You see different expressions of love, ways of celebrating by not being too loud, how weddings here look like and get to see not just the mind-blowing architectural designs of Europe but also get to discover how they were built, the rich history behind it and what it took them to build such magnificent structures.

Now, it's your time to tell me your story. How did you find living alone abroad? I'd love to know!

But for now let me end this blog post with a quote from Mark Twain:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

If you resonate to any of my blog posts, please do not hesitate to support me through buying me coffee thru this link: https://ko-fi.com/misssmallcreature

Thank you very much and til the next blog post!! Cheers to a more progressive 2026!!