2022: My Year in Retrospect

All I could initially say to cap off how my 2022 turned out is ''Wow! What a year it has been!" It was truly a rollercoaster ride. In medical terminology, I would put out an ECG reading of a patient having atrial fibrillation to describe how it went. There were a few SOSO, short period of highs and overwhelming series of lows. By the way, I'm drinking "Sekt" (Sparkling Wine in English) while writing this to unleash a quarter of a pint of the Edgar Allan Poe in me. lol!

Before the year ends, I promised myself to write my heart out again. I would like to acknowledge all of those who keep fighting and choose to always rise and never give up. My heart goes out to all of those who lost a loved one, a home, an opportunity, a business, their lives to suicide or any kind of illness, is suffering from any kind of sickness, is undergoing trauma, pain or depression and whatever hardship. I stand by your side. I just want you to know that you are NOT alone. YOU MATTER. Please stay strong.

So here's my last blog entry for 2022. I hope you'll have a pleasurable experience and valuable takeaways.

Started the year thru ticking off my Bucket list

When we were in grade school, we always looked forward to an event celebrated in October of every year called Mr. and Miss United Nations wherein muses and escorts got to showcase their national costumes depending on the country they're representing. Something about Hungary caught my attention that it sparked my curiosity. That time, Yahoo and Internet Explorer were the web browsers often used. While playing Counter Strike, I searched about Hungary and saw Budapest. I saw its beauty at night on photos. Man, since then, I couldn't get it off my mind. I'm sure that there are so many other countries which are more beautiful but this one hit me hard as a kid. lol!

I went there with my 2 other friends and when we stepped out from the train, I had goosebumps. I couldn't believe I was stepping on the grounds of Budapest. It felt so surreal. For someone who didn't even see herself being able to go to Europe, I felt like tearing up. Budapest was so enchanting and majestic especially at night. The food was great and cheaper. Tourist spots are just near each other and the city train is accessible making it easier to go to in a day or two. This makes me believe that dreams do really come true. Dream big and manifest. You will make it. Please do not give up on your dreams. Keep trying :) My wallet almost got stolen from my bag too but I ran after them and they returned it to me. lol! It's definitely one for the books! I do not have photos to display. You'll know the reason why if you keep reading until the end of this blog. :)

First time having COVID abroad

First symptom was a sore throat, followed by anosmia and hypogeusia. Fever is a very rare bodily event for me. I couldn't even recall the last time I had one. If I get to have one, then I'd know it's really bad. I underwent a 14day home quarantine. I don't know how I would have survived the quarantine here abroad if it were not for my friends Chris and ate Tara. They helped me thru bringing me food, my coffee requests and groceries and asked about how I was feeling. I even had Tulips in my room. I spent that time reading a book, sleeping to regain my energy, writing my thoughts and video calling my loved ones, updating them that I'm fine and breathing. lol! You see, it's hard living away from your loved ones and you only have yourself most of the time. Hello there, strong independent women. lol!

Met my Language partner for the first time

Since 2019, I had an online German language partner. He lives in Bern, Switzerland and I'm glad that we became friends thru the years. Sometimes, if you get lucky, people you get to know thru the internet become your very good friends. I got the wonderful opportunity to visit the country which I only seemingly saw on a logo of the milk brand called "Birch Tree". He's too kind that he offered me accommodation for my entire stay. It's not my first time having a male host since I've also solo traveled to some parts of Asia having male hosts whom I got to know thru Couchsurfing. All of them were nice and kind. I traveled alone for the first few days since he had work and the last few days of my stay, he accompanied me to Thurn and Solothurn.

I mean, who could have thought I would get to personally see how beautiful the Swiss Alps really are? I'm grateful for kind and generous friends like him. It makes me believe that there's always kindness in every corner of the globe. It's always a liberating experience to travel alone. You get to be more alert, mindful and observant. Above all, the wisdom you gain from traveling itself is priceless.

First birthday away from my loved ones

Originally, I didn't have plans for my natal day but since I felt a little burnt out mentally and physically from work, I just randomly thought of escaping so I searched for places in Europe which would feel like I'm just in the Philippines. So I booked a cheap flight thru Ryanair to Spain and Portugal to celebrate my birthday. I was already decided to go alone so I listed my tight budget on my little notebook but my friend Kate from Bonn told me that she also wanted to go with me so a week after I booked my flights, she also did, with the same airline, flight number, time and destination. We walked, slept, ate, wandered and laughed a lot. We also got lost too. lol! I felt like it was just a dream. Sometimes I get so blown away by the blessings that the Lord pours on me. Spain felt like home to me.. the people, food, some similarities with the words they use, the infrastructures and the aura of the places. It felt so much like Boracay, Downtown Iloilo and Intramuros Manila. Portugal made me feel like I was in Baguio City Philippines. I would have to say, "Goal met".

Dealing with the 'lows' abroad

I need to include the lows because if it weren't for the struggles and hardships, I would have not gauged how strong I actually am. As what Bob Marley said, "You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice." So prepare your tissue rolls because you're about to experience a heavy drama. lol! Just kidding, but yeah, partly not.

There were really tough months wherein I cried a river and consoled myself thereafter because no one else would do that for me. lol! I went to free taekwondo lessons for attention diversion but it didn't help much. I tried to be more physically active but that did not make me less sad either. I was going thru the dark days with my hand holding my other hand. Work situations were also taking so much toll on my mental health. Sometimes I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and I felt like I was also carrying a big responsibility on my shoulders. Homesickness visits you without notice too and the closest you can feel at home is thru a video call. I'm not vocal with my love life because I want to keep it private. They say "People ruin beautiful things" and that part of my life is a beautiful thing for me which I would love to keep to myself but also deserves so much recognition because I could say, that it helped me a lot in a way that my lows wouldn't turn into a flat line like an "asystole" on an ECG reading.

The next day, I was informed that we had to leave our house in the Philippines permanently, which is the only thing that my dad left us before he died. That part hit me hard and hurt me to my core. I was speechless for weeks, did not want to talk to anyone but still had to put my game face on during work and pretend like nothing's wrong with my life. It's the only thing we had as a family and now, it'd be taken away. My mind was too full I felt like puking. There were too many tabs in my head like pending exams, visa problems, classes, pressure and not so favorable work adjustments all happening simultaneously I felt like shutting down. "Where would my family stay?" "My dogs...." "I still can't afford to buy a house and lot." "What will happen to us if we do not have a house to go home to?" That was too heavy but I still tried to make myself laugh after a hard crying session because I needed to stay sane. I think about all the homeless people who live on the streets and my heart goes out to them. Thankfully, we found a place to stay before the year comes to an end.

I wanted to go home to the Philippines next year but something came up aside from the other existing problem hindering this possibility. Another mishap. Unfortunate events sometimes strip off your remaining enthusiasm. Sometimes, I feel a little bothered already if I get the chance to feel happy because maybe, a non-favorable event will then happen again as a consequence of a couple of weeks of being happy. To say this, tears me up but yeah, "See you instead in 2024 Philippines."

Passed my exams with God's help

They say, you would never feel prepared for an exam so that's what I felt while taking them. The only confidence I carried with me was the confidence that the Divine Being above will sustain and help me. My sister even cried ugly, happy tears when she knew about it. I knew I did not have trust in myself but I let it be and just trusted Him and He never failed me.

Our class hours were not within working hours. After work, we needed to attend our online class. Sometimes, I was already too tired to comprehend everything that all I wanted to do was to sleep on my bed. There's really no shortcut to success. You really have to work hard for it until it finally pays off. So much weight was taken off my shoulders. I feel humbled and grateful. How great is His sustaining love, grace, provision and mercy! HIS glory, NOT mine. Thank you Lord! To those who will be taking any kind of exam, if you can study hard, pray harder. To those who failed on their first attempt or several attempts, easier said than done, but make every failure your bestfriend and not your enemy. Make it as a super motivation. Say this with me, "I WILL MAKE IT, WITH GOD'S GRACE AND MERCY." Amen.

First Christmas with a German Family with their cute cat

I couldn't put into words how grateful I am to have been given the opportunity to spend the holidays with a family who made me feel welcome and happy. I should have gone home to where I reside here in Germany on the 22nd but my friend offered to extend my stay thru booking me a ticket again. I met this German couple when I was still in the Philippines thru Couchsurfing and we went to Makati to have a drink and watch a midget boxing show.

I never thought we would have the opportunity to meet again and be invited to stay with them in Berlin. All of them are kind and we laughed together, ate together, played board games and opened gifts together. I wrote them a poem entitled "Meine Weihnachtsfamilie weit von zu Hause" ("My Family away from home on Christmas" in English) and boy, I wasn't able to hold my tears when my friend read it aloud while we were gathered together in a circle in front of their Christmas tree. It's one of the most precious moments I'd always carry with me in my heart. Their cute cat, Glubschi sometimes went inside the room where I was staying and slept on the foot part of the bed so I could feel his warmth during the cold night.

I also have Filipina friends who live in Berlin who also made my stay much happier. There were times when I traveled alone too in Berlin but I also needed that so that I could spend time with just me, myself and I.

Berlin's a very interesting city, rich in history, has a wide variety of malls, offers the best Döner, at the same time, is diverse and lively. Even its railway walls have interesting, embossed or engraved facts about its history that you could read while waiting for the train to arrive. Above all, it has Pinoy (Filipino) restaurants that could definitely satisfy your Pinoy cravings. That "Cansi" getting into my throat and tummy felt so good, I was almost on Cloud nine.

So going back to the reason why this blog does not contain photos. Another mishap before 2022 comes to an end.. My phone decided not to live anymore. It could not be restored despite my countless attempts, all the youtube tutorials I watched to fix the problem that I even fell asleep while exhausting all my effort on it and me going to the repair shop to have it repaired. I waited for 3 hours but they weren't able to bring it back to life. All my photos and important data are there and worst, I don't have an iCloud backup. I'm using my old phone now which also died once in the Philippines. My phone is an old second hand Iphone 8. The repair shop told me that I can go back next week and they'll have my phone opened and have to repair a chip inside for 80 friggin' Euros. Wow! Both of them now have a death history. I just hope that the latter will be brought back to life. lol! What a hurtful way to say goodbye to all my recorded and stored memories and what a way to end 2022. lol!

Nevertheless, the most important thing is that we still get to wake up every morning, having the chance to be alive and to live life. Thus, that hope for greater things to come is not dead.

If you have suggestions on which topics related to my niche you would like me to write about on the next blog post, feel free to comment below.

I wish you all an abundant, a meaningful, better and fulfilling 2023!!! Happy New Year!! Guten Rutsch!!

much love,

Hirene :)