What Living Alone Abroad Really Feels Like||Expat Stories

Moving abroad as an Asian from a third world country to a first world country like Germany may definitely sound enticing and exciting. Let's be honest, just thinking about how beautiful Europe is already sprinkles stardust in our entire nervous system.

I could still vividly recall the time I packed my life, personal goals, burning desire to help my family, courage and enthusiasm into 2 suitcases and a backpack. Boy, all I could think of was only everything good that awaits me not knowing that it would be a terrifying rollercoaster ride out there. lol!

Let's start with how I actually made it to Germany.

Disclaimer: Eversince I've moved to Germany and have been trying to get better at Deutsch, I just feel like I'm losing a lot of English vocabs, my mind is messed up and tangled and my grammar skills may have also declined so I don't mind you correcting me if ever I make errors. But one thing I can assure you is that what I post here all come from my personal experiences, my heart and not from AI or Chatgpt lol! I have always been open to constructive criticisms so feel free to comment or message me privately for any suggestion or corrections. :) Thank you in advance!

I was actually reviewing for OET for a planned work application as a nurse in the UK but then to cut the long story short, my friends told me to just simply pass my CV to POEA, a government agency in the Philippines just to try my luck. Last day, last hour, I submitted my docs and poof!I passed the interview and the rest is history. See how God sends you people and leads you to pathways which you never even tailored for yourself. That's why I am a firm believer of "What's yours will find you." I never intended to work in Germany but here I am, thriving here for almost 4 years now ('cuz giving up is never an option for a breadwinner) while helping mankind in one of the most progressive countries in the world.I will be writing a more detailed post about this soon so please stay tuned. :)

Well, there are just countless lessons I owe to living abroad but has anyone ever talked about what it feels like to be actually living alone abroad? That sounds redundant but nevermind, lol! Now, let's talk about it. First, let's dig into the "not-so-pretty" part.

Here are a few downsides:

1. Welcome to the emotional rollercoaster ride!

   
   

   Some days, you might think you are quite losing your mind but in reality, you might really just be. lol! Kidding aside, there will always be dark and heavy days where you have to sit alone with your emotions, wipe your own tears and tap yourself on the back because you are on your own fellah. Cry, do your skincare thereafter, sleep, work, pretend that you are okay until your body adapts to it, finds for itself coping mechs and boom! just like that, you get to be okay. The next thing you know, you are already laughing at the memes you see online. Lol!

   
   

2. It gets super lonely and dull.

   
   

   You'll never know what loneliness feels like until you either lose loved ones to some reasons or you live far away from your loved ones. Please don't get me wrong, I love how I get to be independent here and I am so much loving my solitude but hey! What about on days where you have no words, just utter disappointment, burnout and exhaustion and you only have a pillow to hug at home and nobody else? We may deny it but sometimes we really need quite a substantial amount of tender loving care which we used to get from a mom's/sibling's hug. That brings us to the next feeling.....

   
   

3. Homesickness

   
   

   Ever felt really on the verge of going crazy because your comfort food can't be found just right in the corner where you live plus if you are a female and you're dealing with hormones during your period, it feels even worse? And then you miss your friends, family, dog, home etc. but you get to deal with this guilt because you simply can't do anything about it since you are millions of miles away?

   If you'd ask me how I deal with it, I do have an answer but if you'd ask me how I get over it, well I do not have an answer simply because homesickness hits you anytime of the day like an unwelcome guest and you just do not get over it. It may be less but this feeling stays with you forever (well. if you choose to live away from your home country in this case, so yeah).

   
   

4. Endless battles against yourself and your impulses and a whole lot of self-doubts, "hell-yeahs" and indecisiveness. You will never figure it all out.

   
   

   You are on your own. That means, you get to decide what to buy and what not. For your reference, questions like these may bug you in the middle of the night: ("Should I buy this crazy pair of socks?" "Should I buy an abandoned house in Italy and move there and start a new life?" lol), You decide as well which way to go, if you'd say yes to spontaneous adventures, if you'll say no to what does not align to your vibe and morals etc. Yes, you may call a friend or a family member for help but you get to do a whole bunch of steps and decisions all by yourself. I'm an indecisive person FYI so just imagine the whole lot of mental and emotional mess I get to deal with most of the time but then again, we are alive and kickin' so bring it all on and move forward (well atleast not on the wrong direction, lol!) Well, it's on you to further figure out, Haha

   
   

5. You will never feel like you 100% belong

   
   

   They say that home is a feeling but what if you always get to feel like you are never enough to feel like you belong in this country simply because you actually are different? Well, I do not mean that you are not accepted. You are to some degree, but it just does not feel like you get to 100% fit in. You may get to adapt to the culture, conquer language barriers, build trusting friendships with locals yet you will always feel like a stranger to the country where you live and work. As an Expat, I've also dealt with subtle and loud racisms but racism is everywhere so I did not take it so seriously until I got to experience it on a different level. I will talk about it in a different blog post though. But don't worry, I'm striving and still thriving. I hope you too. :)

   
   

   Just a gentle reminder before I proceed to the lighter part of this blog:

   If you are having a hard time now, please know that you are not alone. You may feel like you are but you are not. We just have different coping mechanisms but we share the same sentiments and struggles but maybe just in different degrees and forms.

   If life is hard on you, please do not be hard on yourself. Take some time to just close your eyes, rest, meditate, let go and let God and reset. It's easier said than done, but it helps. Maybe just a little but believe me, everything BIG always starts from something small... Baby steps fellah, baby steps...

   
   
   
   

   So now, let me bring you to the brighter side of living alone abroad.

   
   

   1. It feels incredibly rewarding and liberating.

   
   

   New experiences, free healthcare, new culture, people from all walks of life and from other countries, new language, endless places to see, adventures, opportunities. Name it. Wait, did I say adventure? Tsk, boy, it's Europe. Need I say more? It's actually self-explanatory.

   It may sound a little like a brag but have you ever felt proud of yourself for surviving alone (well maybe not totally cuz you have friends too but I mean somehow you are alone most of the time) and thriving in a country where the language is a daily challenge and chasing trains has become your top tier talent? Fist bump to you fella! Let me tell you, you are doing a great job. "Weiter so!"

   

   A random photo that reminds me of the time when I chased the Bus with my bike but the next thing I knew, it already left lol so I just decided to buy water filter instead from a nearby store

   
   

   2. You get to feel like you've evolved to a different version of yourself.

   
   

   If you haven't spent enough time alone reflecting about yourself, plans, decisions and perspectives then I do not know what you have been doing with your life. lol! Kidding aside, it does not mean that once you self-reflect, you get to figure life out. No. You just get to maybe somehow improve yourself. Your perspectives in life change as well. You get to unlock so many features that you actually do have right from the start which you did not even know existed lol! You become resilient... eventually.

   
   

   3. You will, more often than not, feel like you get to do you.

   
   

   You go out wearing PJs, a skirt in winter, or a leather vest in summer or even be bare naked on the sun in random nature parks, nobody really cares. Well, they are going to stare maybe but nobody just gives an F. You can feel free to be yourself, to express yourself through art, dressing up or whatever aligns to your current mood. I guess, Europe just unleashes your closeted unconventional side and for that, I am grateful. More self-expression, more freedom.

   

   A photo of my bestfriend and I in Frankfurt dressing like homeless kiddos to grab some food in the grocery store

   
   

   4. A feeling of relief for being able to enjoy the so-called work-life balance

   
   

   This is not a ''given'' especially in the Philippines. Paid vacation leaves are not easy to earn. It's either you have to be working under the government or you acquire it through a couple of decades of working like a carabao (water buffalo). That's how I remember our system to be but it might have changed now so feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. Here, you get to have long days off, long vacation days, paid sick leave and once you clock out, you won't be contacted by your boss about work-related stuff except for urgent matters (well depending on which country you are working in). I like the low key respect they have for somebody's free time/vacation leave.

   Plus, you wanna eat pasta in Italy on your 4 days off? Wanna go to Berlin for one night? Wanna go biking in Denmark or eat Paella and Tapas in Spain? It's very achievable since Europe has amazing railway systems that bring you all over Europe and a bunch of cheap flights. For your reference, going to Siargao for example, from Iloilo can be more expensive than traveling from Germany to Luxembourg.

   
   
   

   5. For some they may say that it gets better with time but I'd like to rather put it as It gets less complex over time.

   
   

   Every person has different experiences and perspectives but as for me, or atleast based on my experience, it's always never easy living alone abroad but you get to adapt more as time goes by, learn more, develop and improve yourself more, build friendships along the way which gives you more access to help in different ways like in dealing with paperwork for example (Bureaucracy at its finest), build connections and communities and the list goes on.

   
   

   Now, I have a feeling that I need to end this blog post since I've talked too much. lol!

   But let me end with 2 key ingredients that helped me thrive here. Both start with G. Gold and greed. Just kidding! Grit and gratitude. I tell you, I could not count the times I broke down but here I am, still alive and watching my dreams slowly turning into reality. It was soooo hard I almost lost my mind, lol! But then I never forget to count my blessings instead of my sufferings.

   
   

   Only through being grateful despite all the struggles, losses and challenges that you get to still see life on a brighter side.

   
   

   Cheers to us! Cheers to you! You got this! Fist bump!

   Most of all, thank you for reading this far. I appreciate it a lot! :)))

   
   

   If you like to support me through buying me coffee, feel free to check out my kofi account and donate thru this link https://ko-fi.com/misssmallcreature . I'd be more than grateful. :) Til then fellas!