Finding Light in Tough Times || Journey of a Newcomer Nurse Abroad

If you are a frequent guest in my blog, you already know that I love to talk about mental health because I believe that your thoughts determine what you bring to the table called life. If you are depressed and lonely, you most likely spend almost all of your energy lying down, sleeping, watching movies to distract yourself, turning down friends' invitations because of lack of energy, thinking of all the sad things happening in your life, scrolling your phone all day or binge eating. Then someone tells you that you are in Europe and it's someone else's dream life you're living right now.

Sometimes I am guilty of immersing myself into the dungeon of "what could have been", "what it should be" and "how I would have wanted things to be" that I fail to see what I already have because I am enveloped by my fear, anxiety and the struggles I face alone here and at work. Working in healthcare is such a very demanding job. It demands almost all of you including your soul sometimes. I'd cite an example. An oriented patient yells at you and tells you that you are dumb and wants you to get out of the room but unfortunately, you are the only available healthcare personnel to be able to assist him. Being yelled at especially when you are having problems yourself makes you too vulnerable to pain and hurt. Don't worry, after more than a year of working here, I have already learned to defend myself but still in a gentle manner. I still pray for these patients because I believe that rude people are the ones who need more love. At the end of the day, it's still the expressions of gratitude by your patients and the amount of strength you've gathered to survive one difficult shift that warm your heart.

Whenever I take a walk in the park here or travel to other countries in Europe, and spend silent times alone, I get to appreciate the beauty of my surroundings and feel that I am still blessed to have been given the chance by God to witness another beautiful dimension of the world other than Asia. I get to realize that not everyone is given this opportunity and then here I am, finding myself whining about my struggles at work. The late Paul Walker said, "Somebody is in the hospital right now begging God for the opportunity you have. Don't you dare go to bed depressed. Count your blessings & shake it off."

Working abroad, especially in Germany (in my case) as a nurse entails so much hardwork. It's like walking with so much uncertainty through unchartered territory. The hardest challenge is the language. Imagine learning the nursing profession in German. Even conducted in English, my nursing board exam 11 years ago was almost just a "pass". We were working while studying and our classes were not considered duty hours so on top of the 8 hours of AM shift or PM shift, there's still more than an hour of online class that you need to survive thrice a week. It depends on the employer. It just so happened that ours had to have us agree on this work-study situation. There are also a number of exams that you still need to pass..Language and recognition exams to be more specific.

Here in Germany, patients are bathed or cleaned by the nurses, not the relatives. I have to admit that most of the time, depending on the number of disabled patients, it is what eats up the time that has to be spent on carrying out and understanding doctor's orders or prioritizing care. As a new nurse who is still adjusting to all the changes, it can be very overwhelming and takes so much effort and time to fully understand everything so efficient time management is really a struggle. To everyone who is reading this, I want you to know that you are NOT alone. I feel you and we share the same struggles, maybe just a little different in some ways.

Working as a nurse, wherever you are in the world, is like non-stop learning. There is always something new to learn everyday and that is what I love about it. As a newcomer nurse who is still struggling with the language and does a lot to adapt to changing work situations, you need to listen, learn, understand and observe more. One of the greatest values that I give so much importance to not just at work but in life is Humility. You do not have to overdo it because people around you will feel it in your personality so it radiates to your level of empathy towards your patients and becomes evident on your work ethics and camaraderie. Acknowledging your mistakes and weaknesses and striving hard to become a better version of yourself is what's important.

On another note, life here abroad is ofcourse not always rainbows and butterflies. When you go home from work, no one welcomes you except for your laundry and used dishes and nobody cooks for you so you have to cook for yourself or buy yourself a meal. When you have to process some important documents here in Germany, bureaucratic as the country is, you have to go through a bumpy and winding road of endlessly filling out forms written in German, mailing it back thru post, booking appointments online and waiting for the earliest slot which sometimes happens to be a month or two from the time of booking. Germany is not entirely digitalised as what others may think. Even payslips are mailed thru post. It is funny because it is only here in Germany that I got to have phone anxiety. If you do not know what I mean, I am more than happy to cite an example. Haha! Initiating a call most especially because you have to express your concern in German is such a huge task for us who are not yet fluent in this foreign language. If you have online banking problems or complaints, you can call the telephone operator and he or she will walk you thru the entire process. You are lucky if there is an english option but if there is none, you would always ask yourself if you really understood it right or well. Lol!

There are times when you repeatedly and ridiculously get to question your capabilities and if you are still going to make it through. For Filipinos, the song "Gusto ko Nang Bumitaw" (I want to Give Up in English) by Morisette and Regine Velasquez always enters the mind when crisis hits the spotlight. lol! I was also on the verge of giving up but then I remember that my family needs me, my dogs want good dog food too, my bills and responsibilities back home are waving at me, that incase of emergencies, I may be the only support system to my family and that God still prepares me for something more beautiful in the future. Hope renews our strength. Hope for greater days to come.

A key to surviving life abroad is finding humor in difficult circumstances. Being able to laugh at your own mistakes and mishaps is either a sign of mental illness (just kidding! haha) or an underrated sign of growth. Another key is kindness. Be kind even to those who do not deserve it. You will never go wrong if you choose kindness over violence. You benefit from it spiritually and emotionally. Finding friends with the same mental illness as yours is vital for survival especially if you are a healthcare warrior. Lol! Friends who rejoice for your progress and who comfort you genuinely at your lowest are hard to find. So if you have them, consider yourself lucky.

Sometimes the world is very noisy but you have to choose which sound you let in to your ear and eventually to your mind. In some worse cases, our mind alone already creates so much noise that we need to shut down and struggle to remain grounded to our core values. I am grateful for tough times for it is through it that I am humbled and get to be drawn much closer to the Almighty, that I am reminded of my nothingness if it were not for God and the people who help me and I get to harness such great amount of courage and strength which are vital for my growth as an individual. As what the singer and songwriter Leonard Cohen wrote, "There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." I view all the mishaps and struggles in my life as a crack. It may seem hard to understand the purpose why they need to happen but in the end, it is what molds us to become better individuals.

I have learned that being able to feel a sense of purpose, meaning and fulfilment in life is not attained through the things you can afford to buy or the accomplishments and awards you have or the applause you hear from the crowd whenever you are praised but it is determined by the little things like how you light up a sick person's day, the little steps you take in choosing to please God instead of men, making a sad colleague or friend happy, how you help others and how you let your family and loved ones feel. If you think that I had it all figured out, you are wrong. I know that there is still a lot to learn and I do not know what lies ahead of me but I am sure that God is always by my side to help and sustain me.

To everyone especially to all the healthcare workers who are new and to those who are already established and settled as well, who, also are having tough times, just keep putting in the hardwork. Your hardwork will be rewarded soon. Claiming it with enthusiasm. Look at how far you have come. Do not be too hard on yourself. You are rocking it and you will keep rocking it. To those who are suffering from a loss, a disease and or to those who study and spend sleepless nights for the upcoming exams, hold your hopes up high for God listens to the desires of your humble heart. To those who have a heavy heart, I pray that you always choose forgiveness and unload all the grudges for collecting grudges makes the soul wither.

Manifesting a more awesome and meaningful 2023 for all of us!

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