32 Lessons I've Learned at the age of 32 - Mental Health Awareness Month

May is my birth month. It also is, Mental Health Awareness Month. In 2019, I've written something about Mental Health in this same month but I decided to discontinue paying for that blog but I guess, I still have the raw copy with me. So I decided to write down, this time, 32 Lessons I've learned through my 32 years of existence which anyone of you may find helpful and may relate with.

1. Happiness is an inner work.

Even if circumstances don't go as planned or get out of hand or maybe the people around you dislike you, you still have the choice to react accordingly. Through the years, most people, (including me lol) have always searched for ways to be happy in the internet, on books and even from people. But it all comes from and is within you, from how you think and manage your emotions. You may have a really bad day but you can still choose to soothe your mind and soul. We can not control others but we can always control our mind and how we react to circumstances.

2. Take some time to slow down and appreciate the little things.

One of my favorite books was written by Haemin Sumin, a Korean author and a Buddhist monk, which is entitled "The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down". One of my favorite lines from it is this: "Wisdom is not something we have to strive to acquire. Rather, it arises naturally as we slow down and notice what is already there.” During my day off, I take some time to slow down, go to a lake or into the woods and listen to the melodious chirping of the birds. It cultivates gratitude.

3. There's nothing more liberating than doing things outside of your comfort zone.

Having to work and live alone in another country way too far from home could seem very exciting at first but when you try to zoom things in, it isn't all roses and rainbows. It wouldn't all sink in, until you're left all by yourself in days where you feel sick and no one is there to pick you up, to cook something to make you feel better or to just simply tap your shoulder when you're having a breakdown. But being alone makes you more mindful, aware and be immersed entirely in life.

4. It's ok to be anxious while helping others feel better.

Anxiety is termed as the cancer of the mind (TED TALK) and I know that it's not only I who suffer from it but many people out there. It makes you feel paralyzed and incapable of doing normal daily chores. It's an intermittent attack but it can definitely be won over. Having anxiety while making others around you happy and feel better won't heal it but it would more often than not, alleviate it. It gives you a much lighter feeling.

5. Reading helps you build broader perspectives in life.

"Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body." - Richard Steele. Also try reading without entertaining any form of distraction. It doesn't matter if you read only one page a day as long as you just do. Reading has helped me tremendously.

6. You can either be your own bestfriend or your worst enemy.

It's how you treat yourself that magnifies your intrapersonal relationship. That simply means, your relationship with yourself.

7. Doing things you enjoy is worthwhile.

Whether it's sipping coffee at your favorite coffee shop or dancing in the rain, or going to places and seeing the beauty of the world, it's always worth it. It's always worth doing something fun in life for it'll give your older you many beautiful memories to recall.

8. Practice the art of enjoying your own company.

I couldn't stress this enough. Since I've started enjoying my own company, things started to change as well. It gives you so much mental and emotional power and freedom. I feel very comfortable going to the cinema alone, talking to myself if I need someone to cheer me up and traveling alone. I noticed that you also start doing better at loving yourself and discovering so much more about what you are capable of doing.

"A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free." - Arthur Schopenhauer

9. Disconnecting from social media allows you to do tasks that have been put off for days or weeks.

Since 2019, I've deactivated my Facebook account and it's only Instagram that's taking quite much of my time but imagine if I still have FB. I mean I don't put the blame on these platforms but for someone who's not very disciplined, it can always be a form of temptation until you notice that it's already half past 11 in the evening and you haven't accomplished anything worthwhile. You do not want to have that feeling of hating yourself for being too idle all day right?

10. Being grateful contributes so much to your happiness.

One cloudy day in April, I decided to put up a DIY gratitude board and I hung it on my wall in front of me. When I get to read them, I feel more blessed and grateful. It's where I write one thing I'm grateful about on that particular day. It makes me feel that no matter how chaotic the world may be, there's always a little something to be thankful about.

11. Your mental breakdowns as well as your past do not define you.

There's nothing wrong with being open about your struggles because feelings, when invalidated, bring so much more burden to you and may take a toll not only on your mental health but also on your physical health. It does not make you less of a person. Your emotions matter. You matter. Take it easy. Breathe. Focus on the beauty of being alive and live not in your past but in the present.

12. There's good karma in being kind and good.

I've always been a firm believer of "You get what you give."

13. It always pays to listen, read carefully and understand first before you react.

Living in an impatient world, almost everybody wants to talk. Almost everybody wants to understand immediately without having to read long instructions or passages. I'm guilty of it. But there's some weird magic if I try reading something first, then understanding it all on my own and listening to people around me. It helps me become more keen and less accident-prone. Try it too.

14. Mental health is as important as physical health.

Buy that goddamn flight ticket, or that pair of shoes or that expensive platter of dumplings and dimsum. If it'll make you feel better, do it. They're much cheaper than therapy, you know. Saving money feels good but do not hesitate spending money too for your mental health by treating yourself once in a while.

15. You work to live and not otherwise.

What is money if you lie 6 ft. down solid ground already? It already has no value because you're dead anyway, right? Your employer can replace you anytime they think you are already unfit to work. May this be a friendly reminder that it's ok to work hard but may we also not forget to live.

16. Staying active is a good source of endorphins. Endorphins are the "feel-good" hormones.

20 minutes of brisk walking or a quick workout is better than none at all. It's definitely a mood changer.

17. Leave the portals of your mind.

An anxious mind or a mind full of worries can be one of the worst places you can be in. It's the quality of your thoughts that would gauge your happiness meter (a reminder I keep repeating to myself). If you feel overwhelmed or anxious, it always helps to go out for a walk, talk to a loved one, watch a funny movie, stay away from social media or have an impromptu excursion.

18. Stay hungry, stay foolish.

This is a famous quote by Steve Jobs and I always carry it with me. If one is always eager to learn more about everything, everyone can be his/her teacher. We can learn from kids, colleagues, friends, solitude, nature and basically from everything. Staying foolish is like not giving a fudge on what others think as long as you ask questions if needed even if it makes you look like a fool. "Learn more. Fear less." (a quote I keep saying to myself out loud)

19. Live on your own timeline.

We are quite fixated on the idea that life is a race that's why we tend to feel like we should be in a hurry at reaching our goals. We want things to be done ASAP. But it only builds stress and anxiety. This is your life and no one else's. You'll get to where you want to be if it's already meant to be.

20. Having a sense of humor makes the world a much better place to live.

I'm grateful that I am able to laugh at my own mistakes, to make others laugh and to see the sorrows of my daily encounters in a much more comedic lens. At times, I get to figure out that that cringy part of my day could have been just funny if I converted it into a meme that I can laugh at anytime I would recall it.

21. Accept constructive criticism.

It's one great way of improving oneself. If we feel like every negative feedback is something against us, then we will stop growing. Much better yet, if we already know or see our mistakes then work on becoming better.

22. Travel as much as you can while you still can.

You can find money when it's gone but you can't turn back time when you're all frail and old and you're stuck on bed or on your wheelchair. See the beauty of the world while your body still has the energy to do so. For me, it's like investing mainly in myself. You learn and gain so much from traveling.

23. Share your blessings to your loved ones.

"For it is in giving that we receive." - St. Francis of Assisi

24. Surround yourself with people who help you grow.

Energy is indeed contagious. There's more likely a huge percentage that you become who you are always with. If you do not let them influence you, a round of applause and congratulations then. You're one sturdy son of a beach.

25. Know how to keep a secret.

If people entrust you with something, it means they trust you. Your only role is to learn how to maintain that trust through keeping that secret responsibly.

26. When you're learning to be really good at a foreign language, you get to improve more when you speak it often.

Most people fear being corrected as well as committing mistakes. Speaking the language is an active form of learning. Fear hinders progress. Record yourself speaking the language. Ask for feedback. Know that making mistakes is a great opportunity for learning more.

27. Once in a while, soak yourself into stillness.

One of the books that I've gained so much insight from is Stillness is the Key by Ryan Holiday. A captivating line from this book goes this way, "We can't be afraid of silence as it has much to teach us. Seek it." Again, disconnect from distractions and connect to yourself.

28. There are paths better taken alone and battles better fought alone.

One bitter truth of life is that, it's not every single day that you get someone to understand you or support you. It's only you who got your back most of the time because it's only you who know how you feel. It's only God who knows when your heart is so heavy. Practice becoming your best and sole cheerleader. Practice making life decisions on your own. Another sad truth is that, people would just rejoice at your downfall so you'd better equip yourself with your own artillery. You can take a pause when you feel tired but never give up. Feel how much mental resilience you'll build up through the years and you'll more likely be surprised.

29. Know when to seek help.

When you've exhausted every resource you've got and tried to act independently on solving a problem or worked so hard on feeling better but it just didn't work out, seek help. It's ok to ask for help. No man is an island, as what they say. Acknowledge that no matter how strong you are, you will be shaken and that there would come a time when you would have to ask for help. Set aside pride and accept your vulnerability. It's part of being human.

30. Journaling is an underrated form of gratis therapy.

Writing down what you feel is one great form of decluttering your mind, of taking out all the noise from your head and all the rhapsodic screams of your heart and helps you on increasing your self-awareness. I'll tell you a little secret. I've been trying to journal in German but I find it quite hard to describe some of my feelings which can only sound and seem so accurate when written in English. lol It's not done on a regular basis but nevertheless, I find it very helpful.

When I write, I usually lose track of time but it makes me feel less anxious and more relieved thereafter.

31. A bitter reality: Sometimes all the advice that you give to other people is the same advice that you yourself need to hear and that's okay.

When friends ask for advice, we comfort them, listen to them and maybe give them a little advice. But we, as humans, are prone to make mistakes and need to hear the same advice we give to other people and that's totally fine. You don't need to have it all figured out. Life is a constant trial and error but what's most important is that we learn from our mistakes and strive to become better. Sometimes, we need to hear that advice and even say it out loud to ourselves so that we realize something valuable.

32. Please start believing in yourself and you do you.

People are preoccupied with their own challenges in life and they won't care so much about you. I've always been doubting myself and think too much about what other people would say. In the end, it's only I who suffer the burden of self-doubt and it's quite mentally and emotionally exhausting. So I'm trying my best to keep believing in myself and what I "can" do rather than what I "can't" do. I am also learning the art of doing what makes me happy and comfortable without having to care so much of how others would react.

And to you my dear reader, I hope that you are in good shape and are doing well in life.

This Mental Health Awareness Month, may we dedicate ourselves to becoming better versions of ourselves and listen to friends who are suffering from mental illnesses or may be having mental and emotional health problems. May we show effort on continuously breaking the stigma of mental health illness and instead of judging, be advocates instead.

Stay happy. Stay sane. Happy Mental Health Awareness Month!